[Cai] and I sat awkwardly in the large cubbies (you know, the ones where the tubas go) after band practice and she asked, “Do you want to kiss me?” Of course I did, and then I did. It was dry and ridiculous - kisses by twelve year old boys are. On the walk home, a bird shat on my head and trombone. I went to kiss [N] on the mouth, but instead, I chickened out and moved my lips up to kiss her on the forehead. A rather embarrassing moment of my youth, but hey, on my friend’s bunk bead, I felt her boob. Pretty great, but also awkward. After our first date, [E] drove me home. In my parent’s driveway, I looked at her from across the stick shift and said, “I’m going to kiss you now.” I know, right? From there, we proceeded to kiss like big dummies, as our seat belts were still fastened. I came home for a brief stay and got the chance to make out and finger bang (that term still makes me laugh) [CV]. That was a fun exercise in restraint, if a tad bit silly. I never kissed [H] on the mouth, but she did give me a blow job on her dad’s bed. I believe she was underage, and I was committing a crime. I’m not entirely sure. She did not know what she was doing, and apparently, neither did I. I was led on by [A]. Man, she was super hot. I got teased. I had an enormous crush on [Ca]. I stayed over a few nights, nothing frisky happened. I don’t think she felt anything romantic with me. I was just a warm body to fill her bed. Late one night, when I was sure she was asleep, I kissed her on the forehead, and told her that she was really special to me. That was the last night I stayed over, and didn’t talk to her again for about six years. [L] was a very special lady. On our first date, which was about ten hours long, we watched some stand-up comedy awkwardly on the couch together. Near the tail-end of the special, I gained the courage to say, “You should lay with me.” She did, as if waiting for the chance all day. The rest of the night is mostly a blur, but I remember it being pretty magical. Maybe I wasn’t so awkward after all. Nah, I probably was. Also, my apartment was infested and she got hella flea bites. So there’s that. I drove [M] home from where I was living and she said, “I’m glad you moved in there.” I said, “Me too.” At the end of the drive, I asked her out to dinner; she said yes. On our date, I made the point of not eating a lot of food, so that I wouldn’t have an upset stomach. We watched a movie on my laptop, and during the middle of it, we looked at each other and I went to kiss her. She kissed back and from there we had a wonderful night. Shirts were not involved. Maybe I was getting better, or just in love. On the walk out to the car after dinner, I pulled [T] in tight and gave her an excellent kiss. There was wine on her breath, which makes me go crazy. In a good way. We went back to my place and fucked. I’m not awkward anymore. Three weeks later, I ruined whatever we had going. I guess I’m still awkward. I went on date with [Ka], and at the end I kissed her and gently slapped her ass (I love slapping asses) before planning our next date. Over subsequent conversations, I slowly discovered that I did not like this girl’s personality, even if she had a really great ass. I cancelled the second date and told her I wasn’t ready. That was a lie. [K] was a really good time. We had some fun. I told her we should sleep together. She agreed. We did. Again, fun times. 

What I’m trying to say is this: Even at two-till-thirty years of age, I’m still a bumbling mess when it comes to women. I get retarded around them, and most of the time, I don’t understand them. That’s not to say I think they’re horrible. I love women. I love everything about them. I’m just an awkward wreck that’s looking for the right one. Is she right in front of me? Is she someone I haven’t met before? Was she [Cai], [N], [E], [CV], [H], [A], [Ca], [L], [M], [T], [Ka], or [K] and I just didn’t know it? Did I fuck it up? Will they come home? 

I don’t know - I just want to make a girl happy.